Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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