Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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