Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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