Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
