Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
