I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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