Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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