Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
