I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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