so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
