google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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