im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
