Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
