Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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