Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
