I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
