i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
