I think I am morally bankrupt
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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