not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
