Four minutes until I can fart!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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