Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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