i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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