if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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