I heard we made out
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
