Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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