my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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