Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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