farters have to be the big spoon...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
