8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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