the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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