dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
