Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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