You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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