I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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