I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
