I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
