Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
