It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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