i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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