I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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