Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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