State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
