Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
