Kiss
Puke
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
