I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
