In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
