Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We got so high we made milksteak
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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