forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
