Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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