May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
